Have you ever thought what in the world is going on with my life??? I myself have dealt with this feeling several times in my life. I'm a true believer that God has a plan for it all. This time feels so different. It's like I would like to know the plan now before I lose it. Granted, we have fallen out of church and haven't been in sometime. I'm sure this has alot to due with me feelings like this. This should be one of the happiest times in my life. It however most days feels far from it. So many things just seem overwhelming now a days. I haven't spoken to my father in months. He has a drinking problem and refuses to get help. For so many year, I have helped this man and stuck in there. Now I refuse to let my son see the same things I have seen during the drinking days. People have even told me that I should be ashamed of myself for not talking to him. I have tried everything for this man to stop drinking. I knew the best way to get my point across is to stay away. He knows that I care for him, but he needs to stop. He leaves me voice mails all the time. I do listen to these. One of the last ones was Babe, that is what he calls me, I have started taking medicine for my drinking again. So maybe he will follow through this time. I won't hold my breath. I spoke in an earlier blog about taking over another store with my job. As you can guess this is not going very well. I'm guessing, I should keep the details private, but it's just a very stressful time with my position. As with everything else I know this will get better if I just hang in there. Sometimes, I just think if I wasn't as stressed at work my chest would feel a little lighter. You always have some stress at work that not realistic to think you don't. If I could just get a 100lb stress load instead of 300lb weight on me I would feel better. My last issue seems to be a really selfish one. Before Leylan I had several close friends and we actually got to hang out and release some of our stresses with each other. Now that Leylan is here that seems to have gone away in most part due to myself. The one night I went to a friend's house he got sick. That made me feel awful that I wasn't there with him. While he was in the hospital and I couldn't have him all the time I think that really screwed with me. As of course he is home now and I work and don't see him like while I was on my maternity leave. You know I read in a Parenting Magazine that the United States has the one of the least time off for new mommies. Even some of the poorest places let a woman stay home longer and some even with pay. Anyways, it seems like I have lost my identity. Jared still seems to go hunting which is his thing. Yes, I have discussed this with him. He tells me make plans with the girls he will watch Leylan, but I feel bad almost guilty for leaving him. Ashley tells me that she feels the same way. That she is misses a part of her anytime she does something without Kae Kae. I have in my head I will miss something and someone else may see it. I can't keep Leylan in a box for my viewing only. I really want Leylan to be more of a family person, which I haven't been since my Mamaw's passing. There are so many folks that love this little guy. He should be able to feel that love. Today after his appointment I took him to Edna. I myself had an appointment later. Then after that I went home to rest and try to clean. Really I just took advantage of the rest. People don't tell you forget about yourself and only think of the baby. That's all part of being a mommy which I'm learning. But a healthy mom needs to still feel like an individual from time to time. I know that my girls are still there. I just have to reach out more. I am really bad with that. Sorry for people that read this and think this girl has lost it. Well that is probably close to the truth or just thoughts people are ashamed to express. Me on the other hand I don't for the most part seem to have an edited button in my brain. What you get is what you get. It gets so old taking on every one's burdens and always putting yourself last. So to those new moms or soon to be remember you need to have a life. For those of you that have obtained that life congrats to you. I am trying to learn how to do that myself. So Luck to you girls. If you have an ideas or advise for me please leave me a comment. This blog is sometimes better than therapy. Side note...all the words are spelled correct, but I don't have my editor here.
After Thanksgiving at Jared's aunt Von's house we visited some of my family at mom's. Her dumplings and deviled eggs are always the best. It was alot smaller gathering at her house. My sister asked me if we wanted to go to the Fantasy of Trees after we ate. I told her if we can be heading home by 8. I never get to do anything with Ashley anymore and wanted to spend some Cooper/Moreland time out. The reason I said 8 is because Leylan seems to turn into a monster in the night hours. If you don't believe me just volunteer to watch him one night and that will probably be your last. As soon as we walked in and Kaeleigh heard the Christmas music she started dancing. She is so amazing. Leylan on the other hand was not phased at all. I have never seen a little girl that is so full of life and always seems to be happy. I'm sure if I asked Ash she would say Kaeleigh has her monster moments too. In all reality I'm sure that all little ones do.
We have went to the Christmas Place almost every year and purchased a Christmas ornament for the two of us. Well this year we got to go as a family. I was beyond excited about going. They had several first Christmas baby ones. It was really hard to decide so I got a few. Leylan got a little hungry while I was trying to decide so Jared took him out to the car to feed him. Then I went to the car and meet them and the last pictures are from the car. They are extra cute.
News Flash to anyone who has an ultrasound and it looks like this tell the doctor something is wrong. Yeah, I am talking about the one with the big degree. Well can you tell I am still not over this??? Leylan had a Happy 30 Day Daddy shirt for Jared's B-Day. Then Johnny Jumper is his new toy. I got it from him on his 6months day. The last one is camo day. I dressed him all up on Saturday and took several picture with his Daddy. They both had on their camo. The memory card wasn't in the camera and I tried to transfer them to the card. Instead, I formatted the camera and deleted them. That really made me want to cry.
Leylan has tried cereal several different times, but this time he seemed to love it. The last few pictures were of Leylan in his Moses Basket. It used to be so big for him not anymore.
Sorry no pictures today folks. We have to delete some off the memory card...imagine that. Anyways this week has been a very busy one. Monday, Leylan had his first regular eye doctor visit. He was seeing a specialist before this doctor. He saw him three times. That was just to make sure everything was developing properly. Well at this visit I was told that everything looked great. Leylan will not need glasses as a tot and no eye diseases due to his prematurity. Dr. G even said he wouldn't have known that his eyes were that of a preemie. We don't have to return to see him until one year. Yet another doctor we get to check off the list for awhile...YEA. Then today he had his first Synagis Shot (RSV Shot). He will take this shot for 6months straight. At this visit they weighed my little guy and he is up to 15lbs 5 ozs. It was time for his bottle about the same time we had this appt. I was trying to feed him when they of course called his name. So I put the bottle on hold and went back. He was ok with it at that point. If you don't know Leylan, he doesn't take kindly to people taking his food away. I assumed we would be waiting for a bit so I gave the bottle back. Then in came the nurse with the shot. So I laid him on the table and he started screaming. She asked "am I scaring him?" I said no he just wants his food. I had to hold his little arms and she gave him the shot. He was still screaming and the little tears started to flow. Right after the shot, I picked him up and gave the bottle back and he was more than happy. She was kinda shocked. She said he did great. Leylan got to stay with his Marmee after that because I had a dentist appt. I had to have a root canal. Needless to say these days off this week have been nice being with him just wish it wasn't doctor and dentist visits. Saturday Leylan was chewing on my finger and I felt something rough. He has started teething. His front two bottom teeth have started to come in. I was so excited. Time is going by so fast with this little man. He is almost 6months old. I can't believe it. He is eating cereal also and chewing and holding his own toys. Next thing I know he will be talking to me.
I am so thankful that Friday is so close. This week has definitely been a long and stressful one. Before I returned to work I found out I would probably be taking over Jefferson City. Then one person told me maybe not til the first of the year. Then I learned for sure that effective November 1 I will be taking over. Just when I thought I was half-way getting into a routine with work and getting Leylan to the sitter now I have to drive to Jeff City. Taking over this store is going to be a big change for me. I guess as long as it is a good financial move one shouldn't complain. That is yet to be proven though. Jared's 30th Birthday is on Sunday. Never do I know what to get for him and this is a big one. I think I have about developed an ulcer from thinking what to do for the man. This one has people have said is a milestone. Screwing this one up would not be good. I can't really put one thing else on this subject because he will be reading it over for me. Also housework and laundry have never been my strong suit and now I feel like giving up. Ashley knows this better than anyone. It seems like I don't like to do daily chores, just wait and do it all at one time. That part drives Jared mad. This has always been my method, but with Leylan I think we need a daily cleaning routine. Working and coming home to think I am going to accomplish anything is about crazy however. Most time when I get home I end up on the couch with Leylan. After picking him up from the sitters each days I just want to hold him and be lazy. Don't get me wrong we don't live in a dirty house just a laundry filled, dusty one. No one would ever know though we don't really get visitors. You would think that we live 10,000 miles away. OK I am really done whining for the night. Just needed to let out a few things.
I have been trying to get these pictures on here since Sunday. In doing so Jared thought I had really messed up his laptop. My friend Kellie told me about Smilebox on Hallmark. I wanted to try it and have something new on here. Well you have to have XP or Vista in order to use it and we don't. After I visited that site, other sites would not pull up properly. It was so upsetting thinking I had lost my outlet. I was determined for it to work. So I played around in the internet settings and bingo we are working. Thank Goodness!! So the slide is of us going to Boo at the Zoo with my sister and Kaeleigh. We took a few pictures at home first. Then we picked Ashley up and headed that way. It was so fun watching and looking at all the little ones in costumes. Next year Leylan will be one of those waddling around. In one of the pictures Kaeleigh looks like she is being eaten by a camel. Ashley said it scared her. After the treat trail we went by Ash's and tried to take a few pictures of the two of them. That really didn't work out.
I never thought I would ever have to leave work due to a little gas. Well Leylan decided to scare me and the sitter today with his. If you haven't seen pictures this little guy doesn't miss a meal. As a matter of fact, if you try to take his bottle away, most of the time he squalls. This morning he skipped out on two bottles and was very fussy. Christy called me and I could hear him screaming. It broke my heart. That was not like him. He is very much a pleaser baby as long as he is fed & clean, you usually don't hear any fussing. So needless to say I left work. Don't get me wrong I loved, loved that part. The part that troubled me was the screaming and not eating. So I got him from next door and brought him home. Then I gave him some gas drops and he began to let it rip. After that he ate all his bottle and was still a little fussy. I did his little leg runs and rubbed his belly. He started smiling and laughing after that. I was supposed to be at the Fountain City store for a training at 2. Since he seemed to be feeling better I dropped him off with Edna. Then I went on to the training. Afterwards, I went back to pick him up and then he decided to have his big diaper. Well I really wish I would have just stayed with him. That's because my time at work lately feels like bad gas that I can't get rid of. I am sure that it will pass just like Leylan's did today. I just really am getting stressed waiting for that to happen.
Saturday was a busy day for the Moreland Family. We were invited to Rylan's first birthday. Jared saw all kinds of folks he hadn't seen in awhile. It seems like all his old pals have babies now. It is fun going to these things and hope to share many more with the Murphy Fam. Life has really changed for us and most of his buddies. There were babies everywhere at the party. Ferg and Whitney were there with little Leah. She is so cute. I would look over and she was constantly smiling and making noises. Leylan laughs and smiles now, but not as much as Leah yet. After the party we decided to go out to the Foothills Fall Festival. We didn't have tickets to the shows I just like to look at all the crafts. They seemed to have the same things as last year. Then we went to Smoky Mountain Brewery at Turkey Creek for dinner. Leylan slept through the crafts and dinner. Once we finally got home I wanted to let Leylan sleep in his crib. Jared questioned me a little on this. I think he thought it would be a bad night if we did. I guess he wanted sleep. Well needless to say I put him in his crib at around 9 and he slept all night. So I am hoping we can take his pack 'n' play out of our room and keep using his crib. That was our Saturday it was really a great day.
This is a really funny story. One of my bestest friends Melinda sent me a text on Thursday asking us to a bonfire. I ,of course, read like I hear, only what I want. The message told us the party was on Friday at 7pm. I thought it said that night. So we decided to go for a little while anyways. Jared asked me why are they having it on a Thursday night. My reply was before Leylan we did stuff like that on weeknights. The pictures are the outfit I put him in for his first bonfire. He looked so cute I wanted to remember it always. So I put him in his highchair and took these. Then we headed off to Mel's house. Arriving right at 7 believe it or not and noone was there. The lights all looked to be out except the kitchen. I knocked on the door no answer. Then I decided to leave a note on the garage door. Mel finally came out and ask what we were doing. I said we were there for the Bonfire. It's tomorrow she said we all just laughed. It was good seeing her anyways. We actually missed the real party the next night. Sorry Mel.
Well I know I have been away for awhile. Life has been very crazy trying to get use to working, home stuff, and caring for Leylan. My work always seems to stress me out one way or another. All in all, it hasn't been to bad this go around. I am still trying to get myself up earlier. Life was so much funner and easier when I was staying at home. Me and Leylan could stay up and watch our favorite late shows. Ok, well I could stay up. Now, I don't want to miss Project Runway or Top Design, but they are taking away from my sleep time. Leylan is doing so much better sleeping for us. The week before I went back he started sleeping about 7-9 hours a night. We so love him for that. He still however thinks that somewhere between 3-4am is playtime. I have never seen anyone so happy at that time. He is laughing and smiling so much these days. He is one happy little guy. I should hope he stays like that. Enough about sleeping and work. Tonight me and Edna (his Marmee) went to the duck duck goose sale. If you haven't ever been you should go. That is for all the soon to be moms and the now moms. They have everything. It is a huge consignment sale in the old Food City down west. Some items Edna bought Leylan were two toys and several clothing items. It would honestly take more than one visit to be able to go through everything. Some of the things we got still have the original tags on them. Me and my sister are supposed to go back on Saturday. They also have a website dkdkgoose.com. It has directions, which I am awful at. Well good luck shopping and I will put some new pictures of Leylan on here soon.
On Monday, I returned to work...blah blah. Leylan for those of you that don't know is going to be staying with our neighbor. She has three little boys, which I am sure he will enjoy playing with as he grows. Dropping him off that morning really broke my heart. I held it together until I got out the door. Then most of the way to work I cried. On the way, I called Jared and he tried to calm me down,but I think I just made him want to cry. I know he is in good hands. It is just hard after being with him for so long to let go. During the day, I just called once to check on him. As soon as it hit 5, I was out the door to go get him. He was sleeping so sweetly in the best swing ever. He didn't even wake up when I got him out. We walked back to our house and he finally woke up. He gave me a big smile and then started crying. The poor little guy had some bad gas and need to go number#2. Well needless to say he was fine later and I was much better now that I was home with him. This week was a good week for me to go back, though. Monday I was at my store, Tuesday a manager meeting in Knoxville, and today therapy. So it broke up the week as I just didn't have to be at my store the entire time. Speaking of the therapy it was a very upsetting experience. This whole time Leylan has seen several doctors of which have all said treat him like a normal baby. We even got the go ahead on the 12th to start cereal. I was so excited he was getting to try something new. Then for the next visit we would start more food. She also said he is doing great. So, I was thinking this therapy visit would be close to the same thing. We would just get some exercises for his little legs and move on. First, we sat in the waiting room and seen all the little patients. It made me so sad. Most of the little ones had braces on their legs and all I could think of was that what Leylan is going to have to go through. We have been so blessed thus far and I don't take that for granted. Finally, we were called back and the nurse started out with us. Leylan weighed 12lbs and 12ozs. Then she explained to me that Leylan needs to be treated and looked at like a 6 week old. He shouldn't be on cereal and may not eat it until 6months. I told her what the Ped dr had said and she repeated the same thing to me. 6 weeks, do you get that? Yeah, I got it loud and clear. I was really confused. I told her that the ped dr gives us a sheet each time telling what he should be doing as a full term baby. We were always excited because Leylan could do some of the things on the lists each time. The Ped Dr. did say don't get discouraged if he can't do some of the things. One thing on the last list was reach for toys. He doesn't do that or have good head control I told the nurse. Dr. Trainer informed me that he shouldn't be doing any of those things. That looking at him as a 6 week old should make me feel better. Here we go again just like his hospital stay one nurse would tell you one thing and the next would tell you that it was wrong. I absolutely can't stay that. I also told them he could roll from front to back. Which I was very proud of and Dr. Trainer said that he shouldn't be trying to do that at this point. He is using the wrong muscles in order to rollover. So don't promote this activity until he is older. If he continues to use the wrong muscles it will prolong his sitting and standing properly. HELLO...he is a preemie won't those activities be prolonged anyway. She did tell me how to hold him properly in order to promote the use of the correct muscles. Also the best way for tummy time and a few other things to help. After all that drama then they informed me that he will take part in a high-risk clinic of which he will see an Occupational Therapist, Speech Therapist, Nutritionist, Dr.Trainer, and a Nurse. This is all to happen on his next visit. Boy, I just thought we had moved passed all these doctors. I guess I was wrong. He will continue to be looked at as an adjusted age until he is 2. I know this time will fly by. We are still so lucky that our little man is as well as he is. God has never left him. Oh yeah...excuse all the errors in this. Jared is not here to proof-read it for me. I am much more of a math person. He still loves me despite my lack of proper grammar.
I am sure that Friday for most people is their favorite day of the week. For me it definitely is. Well you can say every other Friday. Jared usually has those days off. He works so much it is a treat to spend a whole day with him. Since I have been on maternity leave we spend alot of Fridays together. This past one I wanted to go visit my pal & co-worker Bridgett in Oneida at one of her stores. So we decided to make it a double duty trip after the visit with Bridgett we rode on over to Cumberland Falls. Before Leylan, we visited there quite a long time ago. It was nice getting to re-visit and take more family photos. On Monday, I am suppose to return to work. Dread is not the word for what I am feeling, but our Fridays will for sure be one of my most missed things. You really don't appreciate the time you have until it is gone. My time with Leylan has flown by. I feel like I have just started going out places with him and now it's over...boo.
We haven't taken Leylan to have his pictures made yet. I'm hoping to do this before I return to work. So I thought we would go out today and take some photos. Good thing we went earlier because he is being a little bear this afternoon. He is really starting to show his attitude here lately. Well you have to take the good with the bad. After his little fit this afternoon he just smilied at me. You can't tell babies don't know what they are doing.
This weekend was our 5 year anniversary. It is so hard to believe it has been that long. You really don't realize how fast time goes by until you get older. Jared so graciously agreed to take me back to IKEA in Atlanta for that day. Jared thought about staying all night there, but I told him I wasn't ready for that. We went there for the first time while I was prego to purchase Leylan's furniture. It sounded like a great idea. I was so excited to go back and this time it was for us bedroom furniture. The plan was to take Leylan to Joe & Edna's early and come back that night to get him. Well that plan really got messed up. We got to IKEA about 12:30. Things were still going well at that point. We looked at everything. I couldn't decided between two dressers. I finally decided after hours of looking in the store. We got the warehouse part to pick up our items the first thing was the dresser and they were out. Well out of the stock that they use for that day. They had several on the third shelf, but they don't get those items down during store hours. I was very upset. I decided I would get the same dresser in a different color and move on. Then the nightstand I wanted was oversold as well. This wasn't looking very good. Next up was the bed and they were out of the side rails. I told Jared maybe we are just not supposed to get this stuff. I really wanted to cry after the drive and leaving Leylan I wasn't even going to get the items I wanted. Jared of course calmed me down like usual. We decided to put the bed back and just get the two dressers. We got all the way to the checkout line and I changed my mind. I said let's just wait. Then I think Jared wanted to cry after all that drama. This is just the way things go. So we ended up getting to storage units for Jared, mirror, and some picture frames. At least we didn't leave empty handed. By the time all that craziness was over it was getting late and we needed to eat. I had a awful headache. We stopped in downtown Chattanooga to eat at Sticky Fingers it was on hour wait. Instead of waiting we decided to just go to the other one closer in. At that time we knew that Leylan was probably getting low on food because we hadn't planned for him to stay all night. Jared called and he had enough for the morning. We wouldn't be home until 1 or so. At dinner we sat and tried to decided about leaving our little guy. Neither one of us wanted to, but we were both worn out and had a load of stuff in Edna's explorer we would still have to take home in order to get my Escape and Leylan. Therefore, we decided to just let him stay with them. It was our anniversary and you think it should be a romantic time, but I guess after 5yrs and a little one your priorities defiantly change. Well we were at least together for that day. The best part of the whole thing was going to get Leylan the next morning. He saw me and gave me the biggest smile. It made me forget about the bad IKEA experience until they asked us about what happened.
Mom decided she wanted to make Kaeleigh some bedding for her big girl bed. Kaeleigh loves Elmo, but all the elmo they found looked like boy bedding. We found this Elmo fabric at Wal-Mart and thought we would give it a try. Neither one of us had done this before. I don't have a final picture but these are pretty close. Kaeleigh loved it. Mom also made her some valances. I mostly did the quilt. It was pretty fun.
